I've been thinking about how I was going to write this blog for a long time. I know I wanted to write it, but felt quite held back by self-defeating thoughts--"Will people think I'm just overly into myself? What will people think when they see the 'old' me...don't I want them to just always see the 'better' me?"
I need to write this. I need to share. And guess what? I'm not going to care if someone doesn't like it. I do care, however, if my words resonate with someone and offer them hope, motivation or even comfort.
I want to share my story because I am proud of how far I've come in my journey. My journey...not anyone else's. Everyone is different--different ages, abilities, circumstances. I am not a medical professional, just a regular gal who decided to make some life changes.
I am not a genetically thin person. Growing up, I tended to lean on the softer side, despite playing outside and being active in sports like softball, volleyball and cheerleading. That was the hand I was dealt and I didn't realize how the cards would fall.
In high school, I began to become more preoccupied with my weight (who didn't?). I suppose it was a mix of media, peers and my overwhelming desire to achieve, be accepted and please others (thumbs up, first-borns), but this lead to a path of disordered eating and an odd relationship with food.
Fast forward 10 years. I'm in for a routine 38 week pregnancy check up with my first child. After being being diagnosed with preeclampsia, my heart starts to beat rapidly and is recorded on the fetal heart monitor. Two adenosine shots later, we're flown to a larger hospital with cardiac care to deliver in the ICU. Shorly after, I have a procedure done to correct the electrical system of my heart, stemming from Wolfe-Parkinson-White Syndrome. I was also the heaviest I'd been in my life.
My physician told me I needed to be a healthier weight for my heart. Being a younger person, I just assumed the 60+ pounds of weight would be easy to get rid of. WRONG. I made some changes to my diet, but didn't fully commit. I had a prescription that really helped get me started in the right direction, but after a year, I returned to my old ways.
After the birth of my second child, I was in a place where I felt unworthy, ugly and didn't love myself. I had comforted myself with food and was even heavier than before. Because of my past heart condition, I was more conscious of my pregnancy weight gain and added about 30 pounds, half of the 60+ I did with my first. But despite of making better food decisions during the pregnancy, I still started off weighing more than I did and continued to slowly gain after.
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| I'm on the right. The lovely gal on the left is 8 mos pregnant. |
I needed a change.
I realized that this time around I needed to do it for myself and my family. #LifeIsWhy I had two children that needed a role model, especially my daughter.
I knew that movement was a key piece of the puzzle. My desk job is quite sedentary. I started doing Zumba and I joined my local YMCA and began to attend fitness classes and run. And it was hard. But I made benchmarks of where I started, and after a while, I began to see progress. First one mile without stopping, then two. My husband loves to run, so I thought that this was something we could all do as a family in the years to come. I started to sign up for 5k races (read more about that in a previous post).
It about 6 months in and I began to get excited. I was seeing myself do things I hadn't been able to do before (or at least in a very long time). I was getting stronger and more confident in my abilities. I joined the morning bootcamp class at the Y and started to make new friends who were health-conscious and held me accountable if I skipped a day--the pieces were starting to come together!
And to top it off, my town of Spencer was becoming a certified Blue Zones site (learn more at www.bluezones.com). There was a heavy emphasis on health and vitality and I added a few tools to my wellness belt, common sense things, really--for example, eating off smaller plates, parking farther away in the parking lot, taking the stairs instead of the elevator, plant a garden, etc.
I can say now that I love to challenge myself physically. I have more recently added weight training to my routine--it is so satisfying to see how I improve. My family and I have a garden and enjoy growing our own fresh produce. I look forward to trying out new, healthy recipes. I have normal blood pressure, a healthy weight, normal glucose and low cholesterol. Yay me!
And like I said in the beginning, it is my journey. I just want to be a better version of who I was the day before. I have no one to compete against except for myself--I know that there will always be someone slimmer, faster, more defined and prettier. And I'm getting to be OK with that. I am still curvy and I know that healthy is not just on the outside. And it takes time. For those of you that are making progress on your health journey, I commend you! For those who need a little boost--I'll tell you that the first step is the hardest. You can do it, you just need to find the things that work best for you. You'll probably find yourself outside your comfort zone, but that's ok!
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| Thumbs up to a new race Personal Record and a healthy heart! |
#ServeLoveVolunteer
Cheers!
Jill Brees Barr
Mrs. Iowa International 2015
